Hallelujah

Isn't it funny how certain things can arouse such definite memories? I rediscovered the Rufus Wainright version of "Hallelujah" tonight and it took me straight back to sophomore year. All of a sudden I'm in my room in Cate with the lights off and it's a rainy and somewhat cool night. My windows are open and I'm in a sort of mellow, sort of melancholy mood and I'm thinking about a lot of things or perhaps contemplating going on a walkies. What a crazy year. What an emotional year. I cried a lot. Over my life, over school, over friendships. So much of what I clung to that year is now gone. All of the friendships that I was so scared and troubled about losing are either broken or have faded. I think Andrea is probably the only person that I hung out with that year that I still hang out with on a regular basis. It's so weird the things that are hard and confusing and difficult to let go of, but once we are past them, we realize how much better things can be. How much we were missing out on. How much we were limiting God by finding our sufficiency in those things.

I'm so thankful for what that year was though. In community group tonight we talked a little bit about Acts 16. Verses 6 and onward go as follows: "Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to. So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas. During the night Paul had a vision of a man of Macedonia standing and begging him, 'Come over to Macedonia and help us.' After Paul had seen the vision, we got ready at once to leave for Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them." I'd never really looked at this passage before. But what was said was that Paul kept traveling and at times the spirit kept him from going places and he may not have really known where he was going for certain. But when God finally revealed where he was supposed to go (and God did clearly let him know), Paul was already in Troas, a coastal city, very close to Macedonia. God doesn't always tell us where we're going, but he is getting us there. I believe that everything in our lives happens for a reason and that God uses everything we go through to further prepare us and refine us. There are definitely some things I regret about college. I had misplaced priorities for a long time. I made school the center of my life. I allowed my desire to please people and be loved control a lot of my choices. But God used all of those things to teach me something. And though I really wish I would have figured some things out a lot sooner, I learned from those experiences. God is faithful and God has a plan and a purpose for my life, past, present, and future. I've seen his work in my life already and I'm excited to see what he has in store for me.