away from the sun again

i was thinking about engineers without borders today and looking at stuff on their website. it kind of got me thinking about the peace corps and what i want to do with my life. my education right now is preparing me for the rest of my life and my future career. i'm not actually sure i've ever thought of it that way. in the past, i've always thought, "well, i'm going to be a professor, so i'll teach, advise students, and do research if i have to." but, i started thinking today, how would i feel if the help and support i could give to people in other countries was limited by the fact that i was just sliding by in school. obviously, i'm not literally just sliding by in school. i have a good gpa, i learn the material. usually though, i do a lot of learning the material just for the test. i remember very little of what i learned last semester. granted, i've had a whole summer full of other stuff to help me forget, but i still find my recollection levels unacceptably low.

it's so much more inspiring to want to learn material so i will have the necessary skills to help other countries develop, than to want those skills so it will land me a good job with a good company. my main goal in life is not earning money. i want to have a job that i enjoy and where i feel like i am helping people. i can't exactly see myself designing chips for a living for the rest of my life. it's easier to see myself writing code, but i definitely know human interaction is important to my sanity though.

i really do want to go abroad though. i want to visit third world countries, i want to experience life as they do. and when i leave, i want it to leave a lasting impression of what is really important. in the grand scheme of things, i feel that the degree i'm going for is really quite worthless. it's a degree aimed at convenience more than necessities. i know that's not really true, because the implications of some of the current research going on makes other more "worthwhile" pursuits possible.

i really don't know what this post was about. it may be incoherent when i read it in the morning. we'll see.