life

it's a friday night and i am sitting alone in my dorm room doing homework. how things have changed from last year. i'm not going to lie. right now, i really miss last year. i miss having tons of people around that i knew. i miss wandering up to the fourth floor to see what people were doing and just hanging out in people's rooms. things are so different this year. i've mostly resigned myself to the fact that housing makes poor decisions, but i really wasn't expecting their decision to not allow upperclassmen in the dorms to affect me so much. sure, the freshmen wouldn't have the same built-in structure and community when they moved into the dorms, but i never dreamed that i would be missing that so much. it's a bit like living in the upperclassmen dorms last year, minus having the refuge of the honors dorm.

it's left me kind of lonely and with the feeling that i'm drifting. there's no group of people that i'm always around, no close group of friends. i'm in a funk and it's about to drive me crazy. i hate people and yet i want to cling to people at the same time, yet withdraw myself. i don't understand myself and i get frustrated. there's so much stuff that i need to deal with and yet i have no motivation and no energy.

i suppose that once again i will have to learn how to meet people. it's something i always forget how to do. i suppose i have to do it every year, but it's never seemed to intimidating.

oh well, life goes on. and i've never had a semester that wasn't better than the last. God is good.